In 2003, at age 57, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) after experiencing numbness in my face and tingling in my feet and hands. For about 12 years that diagnosis changed my life very little. I would experience tingling and numbness from time to time but very little else. I had what is called “remitting relapsing” MS. For about 2/3 of those with that diagnosis, that would be as far as the disease progresses. However, for about 1/3, the disease will become “secondary progressive” MS, the operative word being “progressive.” Having received an inordinate number of good “breaks” in my life, I missed a good “break” this time.

By 2014, I was walking with a cane which became 2 canes and then a walker. It is a humbling disease. It affects your bowels and bladder, your ability to sleep, your small muscle control and your mental health.  In my case, the worst problem is loss of control of my legs. Simple things, like getting into bed are difficult because my legs don’t work. I need to use my hands to control my legs which are like deadweight. Walking without holding onto something is impossible as my balance is effectively gone. When I stand, my hamstrings and calves ache as if I had just completed a marathon. Steps and putting on long pants are Olympic events.

Even though I can’t move my legs, they move themselves with periodic and uncontrollable spasms, particularly at night when I am trying to sleep. My right leg is particularly recalcitrant as I can’t get my foot off the ground without an orthopedic assist and my right foot is always swollen and numb and either icy cold or fiery hot. And then there is “fatigue” which is constant. If you like to take naps, MS is the disease for you.

So many things that I liked to do (golf, recreational running, boating, sculling, etc.) were now off the table. My default position is now a reclining easy chair with legs up.

But just as you’re starting to feel sorry for yourself, you go to the neurologist’s office and see a 30 year old very upbeat young man who has the same problem and he has a long lifetime ahead.

The world record for the 100 meters is held by Usain Bolt at 9.83 seconds. My record for the 100 meters is 240 seconds. Given my mobility issues, that doesn’t seem so bad until you realize that the world record for a mile (1609 meters) is seventeen seconds less than my 100 meter “record.”

Many of you are probably now saying “Hey, I didn’t RSVP to a pity party.” Fair enough. But I recount this because it is the place from which I think about God.

While the then known world was worshiping multiple gods, the Jewish people gave the world the most significant idea about God in human history, to wit:

1. God exists;
2. There is only one God;
3. There are no other gods;
4. God is transcendent and above earthly things;
5. God created the universe without help and;
6. One’s job on earth is to follow God’s rules.

Christianity and Islam, which are both closely related to Judaism, also embrace the concept of one God and the admonition to follow God’s rules. The great Eastern religions do not recognize a God. Hinduism is not monotheistic, Buddhists are agnostic about a God and Confucianism recognizes no God.

So, what about this Jewish/Christian/Muslim God? For nonbelievers, God is a convenient myth invented by man to explain the origin of existence. For believers, God explains existence. Nonbelievers ask how a merciful God can create a world of such pain and suffering. Believers are thankful for a pathway to be reunited with God in an afterlife.

As to believers, some see the present world as a “vale of tears” to be endured on the way, in Saint Augustine’s words, to the City of God. That City is reached by mitzvahs, good works and a righteous life.  Other believers – like my wife – believe that the present world is a gift from God even with all of its hurts and disappointments.

Believers or nonbelievers ‒ which group is right? Nonbelievers really can’t explain where everything came from (who or what ignited the Big Bang) and believers can’t explain where God came from. In short, no true or pat answer but only matters of unprovable belief or faith.

I am a “Cradle Catholic” as I was baptized at approximately one month of age without my express consent. I earned a Master’s Degree before I ever attended a non-Catholic school. So while I was effectively indoctrinated, that does not mean that I accept everything (why, for instance, cannot women be ordained as priests?). Still, I attend Mass on a regular basis and find serenity and peace in the familiar liturgy.

In our current secular society, religion is often deemed “passé.” The number of churchgoers is in decline not only in this country but throughout the West and the number of non-believers increases each year. But there remains a yearning throughout our secular societies for “meaning.” For thousands of years, that “meaning” was provided by organized religions.

In 1946, Vicktor Frankl, an Auschwitz survivor who lost his wife, mother and brother in the camps, wrote an extraordinarily influential book which was translated into English in 1959 with the title “Man’s Search For Meaning.” His work posited that the search for life’s meaning was the central motivational force for human beings. Frankl’s work was perhaps the most important contribution to the field of psychology in the 20^th Century.

I don’t believe that it is accidental that all major religions have a concept of an afterlife. Indeed, I think that human beings intuitively know that “here” is not all there is. This intuition serves as the basis for religious thinking. I think it would be foolish to ignore the wisdom passed down by past generations.

That is not to say that “faith” comes easily. The commentator David Brooks recently said that ‒ with respect to “faith” ‒ it was good if one had “faith” on three out of every seven days. “Faith” requires a suspension of what we know and experience and the substitution of belief.

I think that Vicktor Frankl’s insight is correct and that man seeks “meaning” in his life’s journey. On one of my “faith” days, this is what I believe but obviously cannot prove.

Human beings have a “divine spark” and seek to be reunited with divinity in the world after death. The world we live in is a wonderful world and, although terribly imperfect, is a way station to a better world. There is a City of God but entrance is conditioned upon laudable behavior.

As a believer, there is one major problem. If God created the universe, why is there such suffering and cruelty? It is not enough to say that it is created by man because a great deal of it has nothing to do with man. Why, for instance, do innocent people suffer and die from starvation, typhoons, earthquakes, malaria and the like? Why would a merciful God allow this to happen?

If I ever get to the City of God, the one question I would ask is the one that the exasperated Desi Arnaz would always demand of Lucy in the old TV show “I Love Lucy.” Imitating his Cuban-American accent, the question would be: “God, you has a lot of ‘ess-plane-ing’ to do.”

The one question that I would never ask is “why me?” I think there are a lot of good answers to that question and I’m pretty sure one of them is “why not?”