This quote is from the revolutionary, “Dick the Butcher” in Shakespeare’s Henry VI. Apologists for lawyers insist that Dick disliked lawyers because they insured the rule of law which Dick wanted to abolish. Most commentators say that Dick thought that lawyers insured the triumph of the rich over the poor.
Current opinions about lawyers have not changed much. Google the term “lawyer jokes” and you will get many including the following:
Q: What do you call 25 lawyers buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Some lawyers do truly admirable work such as freeing the innocent from wrongful imprisonment. Most lawyers are like white collar plumbers in that they keep all sorts of legal matters flowing properly. Then there are the “TV lawyers”, aka, ambulance chasers. Many of them are members of the American Association for Justice (formerly known as the American Trial Lawyers Association). I am sure that many of you, like me, immediately think of the word “justice” each time you see one of these lawyers making their televised pitch!
There are often complaints about fees charged. Tone deaf lawyers, in turn, complain about their plumber’s rates because of the lack of formal schooling, ungrateful that the toilet now works.
Any reader of a national publication regularly sees “Legal Notices” such as appeared in a February 2019 issue of Time magazine. That notice provided: “If you purchased Asahi-brand beer between April 5, 2013 and December 20, 2018, you could be eligible for a payment from a class action settlement.”
The gist of this lawsuit is that the beer in question was advertised as being brewed in Japan when, in fact, some of the beer was brewed in Canada.
If you purchased the Canadian brewed beer, you are entitled to up to $10 per household. In order to make a claim, you must file a claim form by May 3, 2019. Actual payment will be based on the type and quantity of the Asahi beer purchased ($0.10 per big bottle, $0.50 per six pack, $1.00 per 12 pack and $2.00 per 24 pack).
And how does one “prove” the purchase of Ashai beer from Canada in the last five years? And assuming one could prove the purchase, your total reward would be no more than $10.
So you ask ‒ what kind of nonsense is this? The defrauded “beer drinker” may receive up to $10 but the attorneys who brought this lawsuit are asking for fees and expenses of $765,000. Moreover the Settlement Administrator who will sort through the claims will receive up to $300,000 in fees and expenses. Could it be that the lawyers and the Settlement Administrator have been through this exercise before?
Did the Canadian beer taste better or worse and really does it matter at all? Chuck Thompson, the now deceased radio voice of the Baltimore Orioles, used to say after each victory “Ain’t the beer cold!” The real question here is not whether the Canadian beer was “cold” but why a court is entertaining such claims and rewarding the lawyers bringing them.
If you are an Asahi beer drinker, time to order more cement.